24 Ways You Provoke Your Children To Anger
In my previous post, “Do Not Provoke Your Children To Anger,” I highlighted the effect of this behavior on your children. And that is, children (whether kids or adult children) eventually learn to disrespect you. Now, let us talk about the ways of provoking children to anger.
How do you turn a good child into eventually becoming cruel to you?
Most parents, I think, are not always aware of how these ways can sometimes be subtle yet damaging to their children. Indeed, parenthood does not come with a manual. But I believe it does come with a tool that every person has. That is the heart.
The heart tells you if your action is creating something good or destroying something precious. If you love your children, the latter is not something you want to happen to them.
Let’s get down to the list so you can avoid these. Here are the 24 ways you provoke your children to anger.
#1 You disrespect them and their boundaries.
Respect is a word that is not exclusive to anybody. Moreso, it is not exclusive to parents. Just as God requires children to respect their parents, parents are required to do the same.
So, disrespecting your children, no matter how young or old they are, is against the commandment of God. And if you do, you are provoking your children to anger.
DISRESPECT can be in many different forms:
1) Invading their privacy.
2) Invading their relationships.
3) Meddling with their finances.
4) Not allowing them to decide on their own.
5) Forcing them to do something against their will and beliefs.
6) Forcing them to be someone they are not.
7) Hiding important matters from them.
8) Invalidating their feelings, thoughts, and opinions.
9) Calling them names and belittling them.
10) Scolding them in public.
#2 You scath them with your words.
Verbally abusing your children or being too harsh on them whenever you talk to them leaves a lasting scar.
Love is supposed to be gentle, not cruel. Harsh words cut so deep that they damage your children’s emotional and mental state. So when you continuously scath them with harsh words you are planting anger within them instead of love.
And when the pain has reached its peak, your children learn to fight back.
#3 You lie to them.
There are parents I know who normalize lying to their children. For them, it is no big deal. They would even argue that lying is okay for things they do not want their children to know.
But the thing is, most of the things they lie about are things that significantly affect their children later on.
Examples of lies:
1) Parents cheating on each other.
2) Having illegitimate siblings.
3) Debts acquired by parents.
4) Crucial situations involving money.
5) Decisions regarding family properties.
6) Involvement with people causing chaos and conflict within the family.
So, if you are lying about these things, what makes you think a good child will ever support you with such bad conduct? With that done, you provoked your child to get angry at you.
#4 You never really listen.
Listening is not only about literally hearing the words they tell you. But more than that, it is hearing the language of their hearts.
Take a look at the behavior of your children. What is it trying to tell you?
1) Why are they sad or crying?
2) Why are they mad at you?
3) Why are they throwing tantrums?
4) Why are they rebelling?
5) Why are they being quiet suddenly?
Your children communicate their needs to you in many ways. And when you fail to listen countless times, you make them feel invisible. That feeling provokes anger.
#5 You do not honour your words.
Not keeping your promise when you said you would make you unworthy of your children’s trust and respect. You, of all people, must be the first one to teach them integrity. When you, yourself, fail at it, it makes your children lose their trust in you.
Not keeping your word is an immense form of betrayal.
And when this is the case, what makes you think you have the right to question your children’s anger?
#6 You do not accept them for who they are.
Your children are not an extension of you or your dreams. Even at birth, they already had their unique personality and life plan. Your job is not to change God’s plan for them. You must not change God’s design of who they are. They were designed that way for a purpose. As parents, your job is to help them discover their purpose.
Not allowing them to be who they are is a form of rejection. Whenever you reject them, you are making them feel unloved.
So, to get your approval, they learn to create a false self. They lie and pretend towards you and themselves. This false self creates negative emotions in them that eventually blow up into resentment towards you. All because you did not allow them to be who they are.
#7 You manipulate them.
Manipulation and any form of control are not considered forms of parental guidance. Discipline does not mean imposing control on your children.
Manipulation is immensely violating your children’s rights. You are stealing their right to think for themselves, which is a given right to every human being. And when you manipulate them into doing something that, most likely, favors only you, you are deceiving your flesh and blood.
One day, this form of deception comes out of the surface. You’ll be surprised how much anger you have provoked your children towards you.
#8 You put others first instead of them.
I don’t think the phrase “Family First” was conceived for nothing. In fact, it speaks about what your priority should be. — “FAMILY”
So, if you are putting other people first instead of giving importance to the well-being of your children, this creates a gap in your relationship with them.
Every time you place more importance on other people, you make your children feel unimportant and unloved.
They question your love and devotion to them.
1) Why do you have the heart TO NOT choose them?
2) Why are you not choosing them?
3) Why do you always leave them when they need you the most?
4) Why don’t they matter to you?
As a result, they become emotionally distant from you, bringing them into a depressive state. This state damages their emotions. The pain you caused them eventually becomes anger.
#9 You do not take accountability for your mistakes.
PRIDE destroys everything. It destroys your relationship with your children.
Not taking accountability whenever you make mistakes only makes you unworthy of your children’s respect.
If pride is your driving force in imposing your title as a parent, then you are not teaching your children responsibility. You are also not teaching them kindness and humility. Instead, you show them that it is okay to be cruel, and you’ll get away with it.
A good child will later on get tired of witnessing this wrong conduct. He’ll learn to call you out from your bad behavior and fight back.
#10 You make them your servants.
Children are precious human beings. They are not your service machines that you can abuse for your needs. You are supposed to love them, care for them, provide for them, and guide them to be good human beings. You, abusing their rights and capabilities, turn them into resentful children towards you.
Ways you make them your servants:
1) You let them do all the household chores while you do your own thing.
2) You neglect your role (as a parent/wife/husband) and place it on their shoulder.
3) You expect them not to question your decisions even if they are wrong.
#11 You make them provide for you.
This one is similar to making them your servants. You are supposed to be the sole provider of their needs, including their emotional needs. If you continuously expect your children to be the provider instead of you, you basically give up your role as their parent.
Neglect is abusive. Remember that.
Don’t you think it is unfair that you place your responsibility over your children?
#12 You emotionally blackmail them.
Another form of control is emotional blackmail. When you use fear, obligation, and guilt to control your children, you violate them entirely.
Emotional blackmailing your children is so damaging to your relationship with them. While it benefits you, it gives your children the potential to retaliate.
#13 You constantly play victim.
Wounded children eventually learn to fight back for themselves. They see how you flip the story so that others think you’re innocent while placing them in a bad light.
Stop crying for help when you’re the one who created the problem.
#14 You play favorites.
Please stop playing favorites among your children or others.
Bridges are what you should be creating, and not divisions.
Remember that when you create divisions, especially among your children, you are rearing contempt within them. You are basically planting anger in them that may eventually lead to resentment and hatred.
#15 You constantly find faults in them.
The problem with being a fault-finder is that you are blind from seeing the good things. This destructive trait stems from your insecurity, which you project onto your children. Consequently, it exhausts your children into proving themselves to you until it boils to anger.
Praising your children for their good deeds builds them up. But always finding faults in them destroys their abilities and innate goodness.
You are supposed to build your children, not destroy their being.
#16 You abandon and neglect their needs.
The most devastating emotion you can cause your children is abandoning them. It is not only physical abandonment. More than that is neglecting them emotionally.
Children’s needs do not only mean their basic needs. Beyond those are their emotional needs. If not provided, children become resentful, if not hateful, of their parents.
#17 You guilt-trip them by using the name of God.
Another one of the most devastating things you can do to your children is guilt-tripping them with religious beliefs. Part of manipulating your children is using the name of God to make them do your will. I see a lot of parents using this mental manipulation, even on matters that are considered unacceptable.
This is downright wrong!
1) Do you think God permits you to use His name to control your children?
2) Do you really believe your children are not smart enough to notice how bad you are guilt-tripping them?
#18 You steal their voice.
God does not permit you to violate the rights of your children. These rights include having their voice.
Many parents abuse their title, thinking they are the only ones who have a say in everything. The truth is, you do not have the right to impose anything against their will. You must not steal their voice if you want them to respect you.
Stealing their voice means scraping out their rights. Unquestionably, it is wrong. You are offending your children by doing this. And if you insist on it, you are provoking them to beat off.
#19 You mock their weaknesses.
Mocking is downright disrespectful.
Your children may not be perfect with all their flaws and shortcomings. But that does not give you any right to mock them.
While you are bullying your children, you are urging them to defend themselves. You are causing them pain. They then learn to retaliate.
#20 You make them feel they're not enough.
Maybe your children are trying their best to accomplish their dreams or perhaps to be good at something they do. Or maybe your children are doing their best in their share of responsibilities in your family. They give it their hearts, and you see that. Unfortunately, you don’t validate their hard work and sacrifices.
How do you think your children feel when they constantly have to prove themselves to you all the time?
You see, when the hurt piles up, anger blows up.
#21 You demand too much from them.
Putting the world on your children’s shoulders is unfair and unjust. Demanding too much beyond their capabilities pressures them to boil out in anger.
Understand that stress does so much harm to your children’s mental, emotional, and physical state.
Overwhelming stress turns your children from being good to bad.
#22 You chasten them in public.
Punishing your children in front of other people is disrespectful. You are embarrassing them, and it does not correct their wrong deeds.
A loving parent will be firm but respectful of his child’s feelings. If you cross the line, you are bargaining for a discourteous reaction from your child.
#23 You constantly ignore them.
Just like abandonment and neglect, ignoring your children makes them feel invisible. It is like they know you know they are there, but you consciously forget them. And that hurts deeply.
Silent treatment is a form of ignoring, and many parents do this. Please know that it does more harm than good. It does not solve your problem. Also, it does not correct your child’s misbehavior. In fact, it only creates a bigger gap in your relationship.
That gap eventually becomes a space of anger.
#24 You are obsessed with entitlement.
Entitlement destroys your ability to stay grounded. It’s an abuse of your authority as a parent to your child. It is a blindfold to your mistakes that you must be aware of, too.
No one owes you anything. Your children do not owe you anything. In fact, it is the opposite of it.
You owe your children everything because you are the one who decided to have them in this life. The responsibility to provide, love, care, and guide them is yours. It is not otherwise.
Flipping the coin is provoking your children to anger. Stop expecting your children to perform your responsibilities and face your accountability. You are, indeed, causing your children to be apathetic towards you.
Thoughts To Ponder
The sacred role of parents is to build their children up to become the highest version of themselves. This selfless role seeks to bring children to God’s Divine Plan.
So please encourage and support your children to discover their paths. Fill your children with love and respect. It provides them with an easier way of navigating their lives.
Be gentle with their hearts. Be careful with their souls. Do not be the cause of their pain and misery. In the same way, do not be the one who provokes them to turn against you.
Recap
Here’s a little recap!
24 Ways You Provoke Your Children To Anger:
- You disrespect them and their boundaries.
- You scath them with your words.
- You lie to them.
- You never really listen.
- You do not honour your words.
- You do not accept them for who they are.
- You manipulate them.
- You put others first instead of them.
- You do not take accountability for your mistakes.
- You make them your servants.
- You make them provide for you.
- You emotionally blackmail them.
- You constantly play victim.
- You play favorites.
- You constantly find faults in them.
- You abandon and neglect their needs.
- You guilt-trip them by using the name of God.
- You steal their voice.
- You mock their weaknesses.
- You make them feel they’re not enough.
- You demand too much from them.
- You chasten them in public.
- You constantly ignore them.
- You are obsessed with entitlement.
"How You Provoke Your Children To Anger"
| Image by Anna Giorgia Zambrelli on Pexels |
mst3ri
WRITER | AUTHOR | ARTIST ---- I am a traveler of life, a believer of faith, and true love. I live to advocate change. I write for the chronicles of God's Light. In my stillness, I am an artist, stroking the Language of Light. I am MST3RI, a woman of courage, and a queen of my own destiny."
